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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881350">Mutt Ado About Nothing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwyrrm/pseuds/bookwyrrm'>bookwyrrm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Dog fic, Established Relationship, F/M, inspired by s10e15 "Yurty Rotten Scoundrels", slight references of past animal abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:07:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881350</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwyrrm/pseuds/bookwyrrm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rudy and Louise get a new addition to their family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Louise Belcher/Rudolph "Regular Sized Rudy" Steiblitz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mutt Ado About Nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The alternate title for this fic was "Pup Fiction."</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rudy comes back inside from taking the trash out with an odd look on his face. </p><p>“What’s up?” Louise asks, not looking up from her video game. “Did the hipsters across the street ask to use your hair for an art project again?” </p><p>“No, thank God. No, um, I actually think that there’s something… living behind the trash cans.” </p><p>That catches her attention. “Like what? A person? A rat? A zombie?” </p><p>“A dog,” Rudy says. “And I think it’s hurt.” </p><p> </p><p>They stand outside of their gloomy apartment building, watching the shadows move on the brick wall behind the trash cans. Sure enough, as they get nearer, something begins to growl warningly. Louise catches sight of a flash of brown fur. </p><p>“This still doesn’t completely rule out zombies,” she whispers to Rudy, who lets out a nervous laugh. </p><p>They sit on the cold pavement, trying to speak in low, soothing voices so the dog relaxes enough to let them get a little closer. </p><p>“It’s either a stray or someone’s pet who ran away,” Rudy muses. “If it’s someone’s pet, then we could try to see if there are any flyers up. There’s probably a reward for it.”</p><p>“That would be nice. We could get the windshield wipers fixed, or we could buy a new sword for the Sword Wall.” </p><p>“Sword,” Rudy says. “Definitely sword. Who needs windshield wipers, anyway?” </p><p>“Exactly. That’s why God gave us eyes.” </p><p>“To see through the rain?” </p><p>“To see through the rain,” Louise confirms, and laughs. “Wait, you’re not allergic to dogs, right?” </p><p>“Nope!” Rudy sounds triumphant. “Animal fur is the one thing that I’m not allergic to.” </p><p>After a few more minutes, a white snout pokes out from behind the trash cans, followed by two large, brown eyes. Louise shushes Rudy, even though he hadn’t been speaking, and claps her hand over his mouth. They freeze. </p><p>The dog inspects them, then takes another cautious step forward. </p><p>Rudy mumbles something against Louise’s palm. It sort of sounds like her name, so she glances over and sees him point at the dog’s front leg. The dog is balancing on three legs with one paw curled in towards its chest. </p><p>“What’s wrong with it?” Louise whispers to her boyfriend. </p><p>He shrugs. “It must have hurt its paw. We should help it.” </p><p>Louise stands up, and the dog hastily retreats back into the barricade of trash cans. </p><p>“My bad. That one’s on me,” She whispers, and sits back down. </p><p>Eventually, they’re able to get to the dog many hours later -- moving so slowly and carefully that it looks like they’re breaking into a vault filled with lasers -- and Rudy holds out his hand for the animal to sniff. Once the dog has decided to be friends with Rudy, Louise pets its ears for a few minutes before gently taking hold of its head. She doesn’t want to startle it, but she also doesn’t want it to bite Rudy as he removes the thorn from its paw. </p><p>Once they release it, the dog runs back to its shelter, but Louise can see it lick its injured paw and begin to put a little more weight on it. She hopes that they haven’t totally destroyed the small amount of trust they’d built up with the dog, but right now there’s nothing to do but go back inside. </p><p>That should be the end of it, except a few days later Louise asks, “What do you think it’s eating?” </p><p>Rudy doesn’t need to ask her what she’s talking about. “I have no idea. It could be hunting, I guess, or it’s going through the trash and eating what people throw out.” </p><p>Louise frowns, then gets up and scrapes her plate of chicken into a Tupperware container. She disappears outside and when she comes back a few minutes later, her hands are empty. Without another word, Rudy slides his plate into the middle of the table for her to share. </p><p>When they go out tomorrow morning, they find that the dog is still hiding, but the Tupperware container Louise left out is wiped clean. </p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s going to rain,” Rudy says, frowning at the dark clouds that have been gathering in the sky for the last hour. </p><p>Louise joins him at the window and follows his worried gaze to the row of trash cans. </p><p>It’s been about a week since they first discovered the dog. Since then, they've been feeding it regularly from a large bag of dog food they picked up at the store. The dog is still a little wary of them, but recently it’s begun to feel comfortable enough to eat in front of them, rather than waiting until Rudy and Louise went back inside. </p><p>“It might be time to take things to the next level,” Louise says. “The ‘luring the dog inside’ level.” </p><p>Rudy nods seriously and goes to get the dog food. </p><p> </p><p>“Louise?” Rudy’s voice is scratchier than usual from sleep. “What are you doing? Why are you in the hallway?” </p><p>The dog pricks up its ears at the sound of Rudy’s voice and opens one eye. It’s been aware of Louise for a couple minutes, since she came out here, but had been pretending not to notice her. </p><p>“Nothing. Go back to sleep.” </p><p>“Oh.” He takes in the scene -- Louise sitting on the floor, the dog sleeping on its bed of towels. Once they had wiped it down, they had discovered that it isn’t gray as they had previously assumed, but rather its fur is a charming combination of white with brown spots. “Are you checking on the dog?” </p><p>“Yeah. I mean, I’m just checking that it hasn’t peed all over the carpet, obviously.” </p><p>“If you say so.” Rudy squeezes her shoulders, and she leans back into him. “Come on. You’re not gonna sleep out here, right?” </p><p>She shrugs. “You go back to bed, don’t worry about me.” </p><p>Louise hears him walk away and assumes that he must have taken her advice, before she feels someone sit down next to her and throw a blanket over her legs. </p><p>“For someone so smart, you sure are stubborn,” Rudy says. “This is just like the apple tree protest all over again.” </p><p>Louise smiles. “One of my finest moments. Was that before or after we started dating?” </p><p>“Mm… after? Wait, no, it was right before.” </p><p>“Oh, yeah. And you drove down from college to join the protest line.” Louise jostles Rudy’s arm with her elbow. “That was nice. I’ll never forget the look on the dean’s face when he came out and saw all of us there.” </p><p>“Was that the only reason you did it? To raise the dean’s blood pressure?” </p><p>“Yeah, you know me. Anarchy Louise.” </p><p>“Right, of course. And it had nothing to do with the fact that Gene’s weird play was going to be held in the apple grove?”</p><p>She makes a face at him. “That’s pure coincidence. But the school had promised they could use the space, and Gene’s theater troupe had been rehearsing for months!” </p><p>“I think you have a bigger heart than you let on, Louise. I’m sure the dog appreciates that, too.” </p><p>Louise says, “That’s slander. Now I’m legally allowed to sue you.” </p><p>“Can I tell you a secret?” Rudy asks, smiling. He whispers, “It’s one of the things I like most about you.” </p><p>Her face heats up. “Aw, sick. You sap.” </p><p>“Nerd.” </p><p>“Dingus.” </p><p>“Blowfish.” </p><p>“Apple-licker.” </p><p>Rudy breaks and snorts. </p><p>“I win,” Louise says, and moves a little closer to rest her head on his shoulder.  </p><p> </p><p>The dog is already house-trained, thank God, so the three of them fall into a routine easily enough. Rudy and Louise go to a pet store and spend way too much money on a leash, a dog bed, and a few toys. </p><p><em> Just in case, </em> they tell each other for the first couple days. <em> Just in case.  </em></p><p>On Thursday, three days after the dog comes inside, they’re all resting after a strenuous trip to a local park where the dog ran circles around them and almost ate a duck before they caught up to it. </p><p>Honestly, Louise respects that. The dog knew what it wanted (in this case, duck for lunch,) and it used that ambition to try to achieve it. It’s a pretty cool thing for a dog to do.</p><p>“I haven’t seen any flyers around,” Louise says. </p><p>“Me neither.” </p><p>They look at the dog, happily licking his butt. </p><p>“Maybe we should name it,” Louise offers. “Something tough. Like Flash. Or Killer. Or Ripper.” </p><p>“Now, hang on,” Rudy argues. “I don’t want the dog’s name to predestine him to a life of violence. Didn’t you read the Drizzt Chronicles? You know, the books about drow society?” </p><p>“I read them, but only ‘cause you made me. How come you don’t let me boss you around like those elf women in the book boss around Drizzt?” Louise grumbles, but he does have a point. “Alright then, what would you name him?” </p><p>“I dunno. Spot?” </p><p>“Spot? I don’t want our dog to get beat up on the playground by all the other dogs because he has a name like <em> Spot </em>.” </p><p>Rudy thinks for a while, then says, “How about Nero?” </p><p>“Nero.” Louise rolls it over on her tongue. </p><p>“Yeah, he was a Roman dictator who went nuts. I figured it’s tyrannical enough for your purposes but ambiguous enough for mine.” </p><p>“I love it,” Louise decides. “What do you think, boy? Want us to call you Nero?” </p><p>The dog looks up at them, then keeps grooming himself. </p><p>“I think that’s a yes!” Rudy says. </p><p>Louise can’t stop smiling. </p><p> </p><p>“So that’s how I won my first drag competition!” Gene ends his story to a round of applause.</p><p>“That’s a good story, Gene,” Bob says. “Uh, Louise, I’ve been meaning to ask. Is that a dog next to you?” </p><p>“What dog?” Louise glances over at Nero, sleeping calmly on the couch. His paws twitch as he dreams. “I don’t see a dog. Oh no, Father… are the visions back?” </p><p>“Very funny,” Bob grouses. </p><p>“Louise, don’t tease your father,” Linda reprimands. </p><p>“I’m serious! What are you guys talking about?” </p><p>“Oh my God,” Tina says. She leans in too close to the video screen and shouts, “Ghost dog! Ghost dog!” </p><p>Louise takes pity on her gullible, technology-challenged family. “I’m just kidding. Yeah, we got a dog.” </p><p>“Oh, phew,” Tina says. “I mean, I knew that. I don’t really believe in ghosts. But if I did… phew!” </p><p>Linda peers a little closer.  “Aw, he’s cute! Bob, move over. Lemme see him.” </p><p>“You can see him fine, Lin. Me moving over is not going to do anything.” </p><p>“Well, zoom in.” </p><p>“Oh my God.” Louise says, and cringes as she realizes how much she sounds like her dad. “Mom, you can’t zoom in over video-chat.” </p><p>“What, really? You should be able to! I mean, it’s the friggin’ future, you can’t zoom in on the video yet?” </p><p>“Yeah!” Gene says. “Get with the program, Steve Jobs!” </p><p>Linda calls, “Louise, move the camera a little closer to the dog, sweetie.” </p><p>Louise does as requested, beaming as she listens to her family coo over the sound of Nero’s snores. Admittedly it is a very cute sound -- like a chainsaw for mice, or something. She jokes, “Geez, it’s like you guys don’t even want to see me anymore. Should I give you and Nero some privacy, or what?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’d be good, Louise,” Bob deadpans. “See you later.”</p><p>“Wha-- hey!” </p><p>“Have you guys taken it to the vet?” Bob asks. “It might have fleas or something.” </p><p>“Yeah, we already did. No fleas, no worms, and no GPS chip.” </p><p>“Brag,” Gene complains. </p><p>Louise sits back, content to just listen as her family brainstorms dog puns for Bob’s burger of the day tomorrow. Her mom and Gene compose a song on the spot about Nero’s name. Louise would never tell them this, but the song is actually not half-bad. She catches herself humming it later that night. </p><p> </p><p>When Rudy and Nero come back from the dog park, they bring with them a tall man who shakes Louise’s hand and introduces himself as Richard Dixon. </p><p>“Like Richard N--?” </p><p>“Yes, like Richard Nixon. No relation, I promise.” He forces an obviously-fake laugh. </p><p>Rudy says worriedly, “Louise, Richard recognized Nero in the dog park and came over to talk to me. He’s here to take him back.” </p><p>“Dumb dog keeps running away,” The stranger says, as if he expects them to sympathize with him. </p><p>Louise can’t stop herself from saying, “Do people ever call you Dick Dix?” </p><p>He scowls at her. She scowls back. </p><p>Rudy takes hold of Louise’s arm and says, “Yeah, I’m just going to talk to my girlfriend really quickly. In the kitchen. Like normal people do. Come on, Nero.” </p><p>“What’s going on?” Louise hisses once Rudy closes the door. “Is that guy really Nero’s old owner?” </p><p>“I think so.” Rudy brings his inhaler up to his face. They had taken a chance on some experimental treatment last year and his asthma has been getting better since then, but it still flares up painfully when his emotions are running high. </p><p>“Oh. So I guess we… give him back, then?” She reaches down to pet the dog’s head, only to jump back in surprise when Nero snaps at her hand. “Whoa!” </p><p>“He’s been like that all the way back from the park,” Rudy says, talking quickly and quietly. “He started acting really weird once the old owner showed up. I’m not sure about this, Louise.” </p><p>“What, you think…? No.” Louise’s stomach flips. “No, Nero’s the best dog. No one would hurt him!” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Rudy says. “I mean, maybe I’m just sad to give him up, so I’m seeing things that aren’t there. Who knows why the dog is jumpy? Maybe he wants to leave us and go home.” </p><p>“Maybe. If that is true, then wouldn’t it be selfish to keep him for ourselves?” Louise sighs. “I don’t know, Rudy. We’ll do whatever you think is best. You’re my moral compass, after all.” </p><p>It’s an old joke, but it falls a little flat in the face of their situation. </p><p>He sighs. “No, you’re right. It would be selfish. I guess we should go back out there then and let him go.” </p><p>When they go back into the living room, though, Louise’s pulse quickens. Nero sulks behind them. She and Rudy give the dog a few last hugs and kisses, which Nero growls and squirms away from. The behavior is unusual enough that it sets Louise on edge even more. </p><p><em> It’s nothing </em> , she tries to convince herself. <em> It’s nothing. </em> </p><p>The owner thanks them and grabs hold of Nero’s collar, seemingly ready to drag the dog out of the door. </p><p>It’s not nothing. </p><p>“Wait!” Louise blurts out. “I’ll buy that dog off of you!” </p><p>The man turns around. “Really?” </p><p>“Yeah.” Her heart is pounding. “Name your price.” </p><p>He studies her. “Fine. One hundred and sixty dollars.” </p><p>“Jesus!” Louise says. </p><p>Rudy steps up beside her and puts a hand on Louise’s back. He says firmly (well, firmly for Rudy, anyway), “No way. I’ve been doing research, and there’s no way you got that dog from a shelter for more than fifty dollars.” </p><p>“That’s true,” the man concedes, “But she’s pregnant now. So that means the price has gone up.” </p><p>Rudy says, “She?” </p><p>Louise says, “Pregnant?” </p><p>They glance at each other, and Louise doesn’t need words to know that Rudy shares her feelings. There’s no way in hell they’re giving up that dog now. </p><p>“I’ll give you fifty dollars. Even if she’s pregnant, you would be getting all those other dogs for free. If you didn’t pay for them, then we shouldn’t have to either.” Louise glares. </p><p>“True, but you could sell the pups for more money once they’re born. I’ll go down to one-fifty, and that’s my final offer.” </p><p>“Seventy dollars.” </p><p>“One-fifty.” </p><p>“Eighty!” Louise says, getting a little desperate. “And not a penny more!” </p><p>“One-forty.” </p><p>“Eighty.” </p><p>They square off, but Louise has always been good at making herself look intimidating. </p><p>“One hundred dollars. I’m not going any lower than that.” </p><p>Louise wants to keep pushing, but Rudy nods at her. They can’t afford for Nero to be led out the door.  </p><p>“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Louise says, and goes into the bedroom to dip into the sock of emergency cash. </p><p> </p><p>When the former owner is gone, Louise turns to Rudy and says, “I could have argued him lower, you know.” </p><p>“I know. But it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that Nero’s officially ours now. Aren’t you, boy? Oh, wait, I mean… girl?” </p><p>Louise kneels down to pet the dog. This time, he lets her without growling. No, <em> she </em>. “Yeah, this is going to take some getting used to. But whatever, gender is a social construct anyway.” </p><p>Rudy joins her on the floor. “What are we going to do when the puppies come? I’m not ready for fatherhood yet!”  </p><p>“We could probably give one to Jessica. And Gene would be a good dog owner, I think. He would spoil the pup rotten, but that’s not so bad.” </p><p>“That’s true. Oh, and what about Zeke! I’ll ask him when we have our next guys’ night.” </p><p>“I’m still baffled that you were invited to those. I love you, babe, but you don’t really seem like the type to bro out.” </p><p>“I can bro out,” Rudy mutters. “I bro out on nachos.” </p><p>Louise chooses to ignore his comment and focuses on scratching Nero’s ears. “We’re gonna take real good care of you, girl. You’ll see. And maybe we can even keep one or two of your puppies with us! Although we might have to hide you guys from our landlord…”</p><p>“Oh, that reminds me.” Rudy stands and heads for the kitchen. “I’m going to call around to the shelters in town and see if I can convince them to put that guy’s name on a no-adopt list, or something. They have those, right?” </p><p>Louise leaps up and kisses him fiercely. “You’re amazing.” </p><p>He smiles at her. “I love you too.” </p><p>Nero yips excitedly. </p><p>“Sorry to leave you out of the love-fest, Nero,” Rudy says apologetically. “I like you a lot too.”   </p><p>Louise smiles and lays back down on the floor with the dog as Rudy vanishes into the other room. She whispers, “I know, buddy. We got pretty lucky on the Rudy front, didn’t we?”</p><p>She squeaks Nero’s teddy bear toy a couple of times, and the pup takes the toy from her gently and begins to lick it. </p><p>“Yeah, I agree,” Louise says. “We shouldn’t tell him I said that -- we don’t want him to get <em> too </em>big-headed.” </p><p>Nero woofs quietly. </p><p>“Oh, what’s that? You want to stay with us forever?” Louise beams. “Yeah, I was kind of thinking that too.” </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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